Are Hearts Made to be Broken?

How old were you when you first had your heart broken?

How old do you expect your little girl to be when She first has Her heart broken?

One thing about parenting that I don’t especially like is when at 5ish they start having experiences in the world beyond My influence. The go to school. They get dropped off at activities. They go on playdates without Mom. And they hear stuff. They might *gasp* hear a “bad word”. Some evil negligent parent might feed them a GMO laden Pop Tart. They might watch a scary movie. And You won’t know. Ack, scary stuff I tell you!

It’s also at this age that their friend relationships move out of mom’s control. They are learning how to possibly interact with a bossy friend. Or a friend who “flat leaves” them for someone better. How to be diplomatic. How to judge a situation they maybe should leave.

Sigh. It happened. I didn’t see it coming. She had her little love-filled heart torn out of her chest & stomped on. And in front of another soul-mate-ish friend. And their (interloping, other) BFF.

The good thing is the Heart Breaker didn’t do it maliciously. I’m pretty sure she meant no ill will at all. I suspect that she doesn’t even know what my daughter was so upset (SO UPSET) about. She was happy to appease Addis & carry on the friendship.

But I feel like a line has been crossed. Now when she hears a story (or sees it in a movie) about a Friend Gone Bad, she Knows. She gets it. She feels the tragedy. She knows that someone she loved openly can crush her in an instant without a second thought. I wish she didn’t have to live in That World for a little bit longer!
A&Tiana14

I Was Lied To

I was lied to.

I was taught that in America everyone was equal.

I was taught that individuals can make a difference when they fight the system.

I was taught that we fixed racism & now we all judged people according to their accomplishments.

I was taught feminism, communism, & talking back to adults was Bad.

I’m trying to re- learn. Dear God, what else did I get wrong?

It’s A Girl

How’s your summer going? Do you have any plans?

How about your life, how are those plans working out?

Plans. Plans? Yeah, scrap those damn things.

So we have a new addition here. Yeah, my nice big living room/bonus room has been “renovated” into 2 smaller rooms. Okay, that’s not really an “addition”, but more of a remodel.

Our new addition is my Mother-in-Law.

All in all, it could be MUCH WORSE. She could be incontinent. She could have anger issues. She could be immobile. I am very appreciative for BOTH our sake that she’s none of those. Physically she is very healthy. But she does have Alzheimer’s.

I am trying. T.R.Y.I.N.G. trying really hard to be patient & kind. I really am so nice, so nice on the outside. Inside I’m such a bitch (like you didn’t know).

 

What is a Girl Worth?

I recently had a 13 year old neighbor girl babysit for me. Two weekends in a row. The first night, I didn’t have enough cash on hand & didn’t give her all that I planned to. The next weekend I drove her home & handed her the money (which included what I felt I owed her). I had to insist she take it. She kept shaking her head insisting that she didn’t mind not getting paid, she was obviously embarrassed at taking the money. I told her that I just paid a 14 year old neighbor to cut my grass, because I needed the job done, & that she provided a service to me that was valuable too.

Where did girls get the idea that their time isn’t valuable?

When Jasmine was a teenager she babysat for many families. Often she’d have to ask several times to be paid (and I’ve often forgotten to make it a priority to get money to pay my sitters too). A few times she was paid well below what she should have been paid.

When my son did jobs for people, they almost always paid him on the spot. Not only that, but he was better paid than babysitters were/are. Again, I’m guilty of that as well.

I paid my sitter $12 for 3 hours. I paid the boy who cut my grass $20, & filled his lawnmower with gas, and it took him not quite an hour. Is cutting the grass a harder job? Is it a more valuable service?

I’m guilty of being part of it myself, but it has always bothered me that boys’ neighborhood jobs are more valued than the girls’.

 

(and yes, I’m aware that I’m assigning gender roles here, but it reflects my experiences)

That Looks Good

I love cauliflower. 

I see those pins of “healthy mashed cauliflower” that “looks” like mashed potatoes.

They are supposed to be a healthy alternative to mashed potatoes.

They are supposed to be delicious. 

They are not.

moral: don’t get conned by Pinterest

What I Want To Do When I Grow Up

“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” – Elie Wiesel

 

“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are”- Benjamin Franklin

 

 

 

2013

At the beginning of 2013, I said “here’s hoping THIS year doesn’t suck”.

And, in comparison, it didn’t.

But, lemme tell ya, I’d define this year as “Loss”.

My Mom died early in 2011. A year and a half later my Dad died. (both of these deaths occurred unexpectedly after a brief illness.) Yes, there were people who reached out to me. People that checked up on me. And I appreciate them for doing so.

But I have been heartbroken by my oldest daughter leaving. I want her here. I want our family together. I want her to take my son with her when she does an errand, or goes with a friend for a late-night ice cream. I want her to make his first girlfriend feel comfortable at our home. I want my little daughter to cuddle in bed with her, to eat “sister soup” for breakfast, to paint nails with. I want her to be there when my little one comes home from school to show off her art work. I don’t want her having a serious boyfriend that I might not ever meet. I don’t want her squeezing in a skype call if she can when she’s having Christmas with some family I don’t know.

Add to that having a close meaningful friendship fall apart. This is a friend who we used to have holidays with, who we’ve vacationed with, and we were each other’s “go to” person when we’d have a crisis. Although we are both making overtures of friendship to each other, we’ll never be the friends we used to be. And now that I have a young child again, that friend isn’t available for me to drop my little one off for an hour while I run out to do some chore. I can’t send her over there to show off her newly pierced ears. She won’t be on Addis’ “emergency contact” form when she goes to Kindergarten next year.

 

Feeling lonely and heartbroken.

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