Are Hearts Made to be Broken?

How old were you when you first had your heart broken?

How old do you expect your little girl to be when She first has Her heart broken?

One thing about parenting that I don’t especially like is when at 5ish they start having experiences in the world beyond My influence. The go to school. They get dropped off at activities. They go on playdates without Mom. And they hear stuff. They might *gasp* hear a “bad word”. Some evil negligent parent might feed them a GMO laden Pop Tart. They might watch a scary movie. And You won’t know. Ack, scary stuff I tell you!

It’s also at this age that their friend relationships move out of mom’s control. They are learning how to possibly interact with a bossy friend. Or a friend who “flat leaves” them for someone better. How to be diplomatic. How to judge a situation they maybe should leave.

Sigh. It happened. I didn’t see it coming. She had her little love-filled heart torn out of her chest & stomped on. And in front of another soul-mate-ish friend. And their (interloping, other) BFF.

The good thing is the Heart Breaker didn’t do it maliciously. I’m pretty sure she meant no ill will at all. I suspect that she doesn’t even know what my daughter was so upset (SO UPSET) about. She was happy to appease Addis & carry on the friendship.

But I feel like a line has been crossed. Now when she hears a story (or sees it in a movie) about a Friend Gone Bad, she Knows. She gets it. She feels the tragedy. She knows that someone she loved openly can crush her in an instant without a second thought. I wish she didn’t have to live in That World for a little bit longer!
A&Tiana14

That Looks Good

I love cauliflower. 

I see those pins of “healthy mashed cauliflower” that “looks” like mashed potatoes.

They are supposed to be a healthy alternative to mashed potatoes.

They are supposed to be delicious. 

They are not.

moral: don’t get conned by Pinterest

What I Want To Do When I Grow Up

“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” – Elie Wiesel

 

“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are”- Benjamin Franklin

 

 

 

2013

At the beginning of 2013, I said “here’s hoping THIS year doesn’t suck”.

And, in comparison, it didn’t.

But, lemme tell ya, I’d define this year as “Loss”.

My Mom died early in 2011. A year and a half later my Dad died. (both of these deaths occurred unexpectedly after a brief illness.) Yes, there were people who reached out to me. People that checked up on me. And I appreciate them for doing so.

But I have been heartbroken by my oldest daughter leaving. I want her here. I want our family together. I want her to take my son with her when she does an errand, or goes with a friend for a late-night ice cream. I want her to make his first girlfriend feel comfortable at our home. I want my little daughter to cuddle in bed with her, to eat “sister soup” for breakfast, to paint nails with. I want her to be there when my little one comes home from school to show off her art work. I don’t want her having a serious boyfriend that I might not ever meet. I don’t want her squeezing in a skype call if she can when she’s having Christmas with some family I don’t know.

Add to that having a close meaningful friendship fall apart. This is a friend who we used to have holidays with, who we’ve vacationed with, and we were each other’s “go to” person when we’d have a crisis. Although we are both making overtures of friendship to each other, we’ll never be the friends we used to be. And now that I have a young child again, that friend isn’t available for me to drop my little one off for an hour while I run out to do some chore. I can’t send her over there to show off her newly pierced ears. She won’t be on Addis’ “emergency contact” form when she goes to Kindergarten next year.

 

Feeling lonely and heartbroken.

Box Braid Tutorial using Micro Braids

I took some pictures while doing hair today, I’m hoping that I can use them to explain how to do synthetic box braids.

This is the hair, I like using the “curly” braids, the ends don’t have to be secured.

HairsyntheticbraidsI use two strands together…but the strands on the left are one strand of the braid, the strands on the right are another strand of the braid, and then Her hair will be the third.

hairboxbraidThese synthetic braids are often crocheted into corn rows, but I’m not talented enough for cornrows! So we do box braids. She’ll have about 45 when we’re done. It might look better if the boxes were even smaller, but Addis’ hair is very fine & if I make them much smaller there isn’t enough hair to hold them in good.

hairbeginingbraidThe synthetic braid just gets wrapped around Her hair. The first few times I used tiny bands, but they didn’t help much.

hairbraidingJust braid them in. Really simple. You’ve got to keep them tight & smooth, but if you can braid you can do this. Keep braiding down, using 2 strands together as each strand of the braid + the Hair, until you’re a half inch or so from the bottom of the natural hair.

hairsplittingbraidWhen you get close to the bottom of the natural hair, split one of the braid strands away & add it to the strand that is Her Hair. Now you will have 1 strand that is really 2 together, 1 strand that is 1 tiny braid, & 1 strand that is 1 braid & natural hair. Braid it keeping those ends tucked into the braid as much as possible. Braid all the way down.

That is it!

After a few days, the braids start coming apart, but usually don’t reach the natural hair until they’ve been in 2 weeks. Maybe I’ll braid them back down again, or maybe she’ll have curly ends.

And then after about 2-3 weeks, I’ll start re-doing sections, keeping this styling in for 4-6 weeks.

Good luck!!

 

 

A Little Bit About My Job

I’ve been accused recently of being racist. And, at about the same time, I’m seeing it happen on political discussions on the internet. People on the right are accusing those on the left of being “racist” because they keep dragging up history, because they won’t let the subject go, because everyone is the same & let’s just start from there. 

They aren’t saying that I’m racist in the conventional manner…they are saying that I am feeding the fire of hate by speaking up & bringing light to disparities or hate I see. They say that whites are having their place chipped away by minorities percieved “special needs”.

Yeah…I say… fuck that.

If I see racism, I’m calling it out. 

First of all, I am offended by it myself, even if it doesn’t actuallly effect me.

Second of all, things aren’t going to magically “get better” because it’s been 150 yrs since the Emancipation Proclimation, or because we have a black president.

Third of all, I have a black child. IT’S MY JOB. 

Let me repeat, CALLING OUT RACISM IS MY JOB. 

 

If I had a Wish

“Mommy, we should have sooo more people in our family”

     “How ’bout we get 2 more sisters & 5 more brudders? “

     “I reeeeeally want a hamster! Pleeeease can I get a hamster? Mommy! I reeeeeally wish I had a SISTER! “

     “I know! We should get a sister! Please Mommy can I get a sister?? A twin sister?? “

     “If you go to a care center, could you bring home a baby?? “

     “What if you find a baby, dat someone leaveded there, and it didn’t have no mommy, could we keep it? “

     “I know! We could put the couch over dere, & then there would be room for bunkbeds & we could get more kids in our family! “

     “How come I can’t have a sister or a mouse?? “

     “If you get a baby, you don’t even have to take care of it, I’ll hold it the WHOLE TIME & give it milk. But not when I’m     getting dressed. “

     “Can we pleeeeease get some more brudders? Izzy has THREE brudders. “

     “I know! We should move & get a bigger house and then we can get more beds & we can dadopt some more kids! “

     “*sigh* I would be soooo good a big sister. “

     “I wish I could get a baby kitten. Or a baby sister.”

Hamster

Hamster (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

US Navy 100118-N-5244H-015 A young Haitian gir...

US Navy 100118-N-5244H-015 A young Haitian girl embraces her baby sister as she watches U.S. military members as they pass by while surveying the area for the best access point. The amphibious dock landing ship USS Carter Hall (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I hear this ALL day.

Every day.

What to do??
Listen, this baby factory is closed. I’m over 40! Yeah, I know it’s been done, but I don’t see it happening here!

Adopt again?? I don’t know! Like I said, I’m over 40!! But is it fair to her? Does she really need another sibling, closer to her age (Ponyboy & Jasmine are 15 & 19)??

(The hamster I can manage…eventually!)